Globally, there is a seeming spike in divorce rates. This trend affects married couples of varying financial and social status. Data analysis of the marriage and divorce rate of Americans presented by a family and divorce law firm, Wilkinson & Finkbeiner, stated that in 2022, the divorce rate per 1,000 women was 16.9 per cent.
But divorce is the end of a marriage and not the end of life. Divorced couples can still thrive, live normal lives and co-parent healthy and sound children.
A family lawyer and divorce coach, Aronke Omame, also known as Sisi Lawyer, stated that divorce was not a death sentence or a life-threatening disease.
Sisi Lawyer, who stated that she had once been divorced, noted that a new life after divorce was possible and further dismissed the claims that divorce was for impatient spouses.
The divorce coach said for divorcees to rebuild their lives, they needed to individually accept that they had a role in the breakup of the marriage.
She said, “Marriage is something that is cherished and not many people go into marriage with the mindset of spending few years. First of all, you need to accept that without any doubt you are part of the fault and that is a difficult thing to say especially while one is hurting. You may say that you have prayed but it is not just about acknowledging that the marriage went wrong and that it was the spouse’s fault that it went wrong. Maybe the blame might not be equally distributed but many times, it is the fault of both of you. You must get clarity about where the fault truly lies.
“Two, get clarity about what you want to do with your life going forward. What do I need to do? What would I like my future self to be? These are the questions to ask though you are going through the grieving process. You need to start getting ready for life.”
The family lawyer further advised divorcees to seek the help of a divorce coach who would help them work out the financial, emotional and other intricacies of navigating their new life.
For his part, a lawyer and marriage counsellor, Mr Samuel Umesi, said divorce might be due to issues caused by both or either spouse or as a result of irreconcilable differences.
The counsellor noted that before divorced people could rebuild their lives and adjust to the new situation, they needed to acknowledge the situation and forgive themselves for their mistakes.
Umesi said, “You have to forgive yourself and make yourself understand that you have made a mistake that caused the failure of the marriage or maybe the marriage was a mistake at first. But whatever might be the case, forgive yourself and try to be in the right frame of mind so that you can move on from being stuck at that stage. You also have to forgive your partner and let go of the past.”
He emphasised that relinquishing the hurts and grievances of the past was the first step towards rebuilding a happy life.
Once the individual overcame the hurt and pains of the past, Umesi advised them to be engaged in gainful and positive activities to avoid wallowing in guilt and depression.
