Older singles share their reactions to their parents rejecting their choice of spouse.
S.D.
If my parents refuse my choice of spouse, it would undoubtedly be a difficult and emotional situation. In such a scenario, I would first try to have an open and honest conversation with them, expressing my feelings and reasons for choosing my partner. I would listen to their concerns attentively, demonstrating that I value their opinion. However, it is essential to remember that marriage is a deeply personal decision, and ultimately, I would have to prioritise my happiness and well-being. If, despite my efforts to communicate and find common ground, my parents remained steadfast in their refusal, I would seek guidance and support from other family members, close friends, or a professional counsellor to navigate this challenging situation. In the end, I would not go into the marriage if my parents insisted on not giving their approval and consent. As a believer, I obey the scriptures and their instructions in honouring my parents.
A.A.
Parental disapproval of the choice of spouse is indeed a devastating and emotional challenge. If I find myself in this situation, firstly, I will set up a conversation with my parents in the absence of my spouse to know their concerns. If their reasons are not convincing enough for me, I will communicate our compatibility, his values and qualities. And if this does not work, then, I will consult a neutral and knowledgeable third party. It could be a respected religious leader, a counsellor or an elder in the family. But if this second step does not work (which is very rare), then, I will give them enough time to reflect on my choice. This could be three to six months. During this period, I would inform my spouse’s family of the situation. If they do not have a change of mind after six months’ space, I will observe my spouse and his family’s reaction and pray about it. My spouse and his family’s reactions will determine my conclusion.
A.F.
Marriage is not a casual thing—especially to African parents. It is a “our family married your family” thing. Couples don’t just get joined under the mistletoe. Hence, parents get fully involved in who their children marry. My parents are my go-to persons. I involve them in every important decision I make; their love and experience allow them to give substantial advice. So, if they refuse who I choose to marry, I believe it’s from a place of love. Most times, being in love makes one oblivious to many things; we tend to overlook or not even see very apparent things. What I will do is reason with them. I will try to understand why they have rejected my choice. If their reasons are frivolous, I show them facts—I make them see why my choice is good or even better. I make them understand why I have chosen my choice. I usually tell my mum I would love to marry someone I “giggle” for, and she will say “Not only giggling is considered good marriage oh”. In essence, I will try my best to enlighten them. And if they persist, I re-evaluate my choice.
E.J.
If my parents refused my choice of spouse, it would be a challenging and emotional situation to navigate. Firstly, I would strive to understand their concerns and the reasons behind their disapproval. Open and honest communication is essential to address any misunderstandings and find common ground. Next, I will calmly express my feelings and thoughts respectfully, explaining why I believe my chosen partner is the right person for me. Sharing our compatibility, shared values, and future aspirations might help my parents see the depth of our relationship. It is important to maintain patience and empathy during this process, as my parents’ objections might stem from genuine concerns for my well-being. I would try to assure them that I have considered their perspectives but that my happiness and life decisions ultimately lie with me. As an adult, I have the right to make my own decisions, especially when it comes to my life partner. I would emphasise that I value their opinions. It’s important to maintain a balance between respecting my parents’ wishes and asserting my autonomy. I would continue to show love and appreciation for my parents while standing firm in my commitment to my chosen partner. Over time, with patience, prayers and understanding, there is a possibility that my parents may come to accept my decision. If not, I would strive to maintain a positive relationship with them while pursuing a fulfilling life with my spouse.
B.A.
If my parents objected to my choice of spouse, I would address the matter diplomatically and with sensitivity. I would first try to comprehend their worries and the reasons behind their refusal. Then I’ll have a deep conversation with my parents to convince them, giving them an explanation of my choice of spouse and addressing their worries. If my conversation with them is futile, I might involve some elderly people my parents hold in high regard and persuade them to help convince my parents. If they remain adamant, then I might have to choose again because parental blessings are very important to me, and I would love to get them as I embark on my marital life journey. I also picture a union in which both parents welcome and treat each child’s partner as one of their children; this can’t happen if they aren’t in support of my choice.
